Because I need to feed my ex boyfriend’s ego that I am missing him.  He seems to think that is behind why I can’t move on.  Forget that he threw me against the wall, in a violent fit, caused major damage that I am still in rehab for, with some of the damages permanent. No, it’s not that.  Why in god’s name would it be that.  I miss being lied to.  I miss being gaslighted.  I miss feeling insane and suicidal.  I miss being thrown under the bus every other day.  I miss being with someone who never ever gave a damn about me and my well being.  I miss the guy who showered me with gifts and compliments so I would ask the Commonwealth Attorney remove the no contact order which was a part of his plea deal (Oh, and I was hurting him when I chose to press charges) and the minute his court hearing was over, told me to find my own interests when I was busy going to several appointments per day, unable to drive, all because he chose to throw me against the wall of our apartment.  Yes yes yes! I miss the guy who told me to throw up in someone else’s toilet after he wouldn’t stop yelling at me despite my telling him not to get close to me because I was afraid of him but he wouldn’t stop so I puked.   Yes, that’s why I am posting pictures.  Of course…I miss it all. What was I thinking breaking it off with such a catch.  Silly me.

I post  pictures because he doesn’t control me anymore.  Because he doesn’t have a say in what I do and don’t do anymore.  Because he used photos to devalue me. Because this is my way of saying FUCK YOU for the pain he has caused me and my children. And, because unlike him I am not violent.  I don’t gaslight and spin the truth to make myself out to be the victim.  This is the worse it’s going to get.  Rather have this than the violence he unleashed upon me and the consequences I continue to deal with, and the harassment he puts me through because he has deep packets and is trying to look good for his new vagina/supply.  He’s always the victim 🙂

So since I know he’s looking…here’s a message…Believe what you need to and please continue living your life as you have.  It’s the best gift you could have ever given me.  And please pay more attention to your new vagina/supplier.  Try having a relationship that you don’t need to be consoled and saved.  Where you aren’t the victim.  Try actually being in it versus creating drama for yourself that makes you the legend that you are in your own mind.  Go make her a spotify list and a blog 🙂

 

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